If Zuko only knew that there was any part of Iroh sitting there thinking he'd failed Zuko somehow in all this, he'd be jumping up from his seat to hug the man and vehemently deny such a thing. But all he can see is Iroh's quiet tears, and only barely, because he's looking for them when he's brave enough to look up. The sight draws out his silence even further. His eyes linger on his uncle for a moment, conflict knotting his brow. Should he continue? How important is it really, that Iroh know this? Is this just Zuko selfishly torturing an old man who'd already known so much loss and betrayal, rubbing his nose in it, just because Zuko's feeling some vaguer sense of loss and betrayal and wants comfort? Is he just doing this on principle? No... The principle is that Zuko would have wanted to know the truth about Ursa, even if it hurt, even though it does hurt, he'd rather know this now, and he was upset that Azula didn't prioritize his need to know. So by that token, Iroh should know the full truth, too. The whole picture is always preferable, right? But then again... Zuko's not yet seventeen, what does he know about 'the whole picture.'
He worries his bottom lip, eyes casting aside again as if searching for his next words strewn about the room. Iroh's a smart man. Zuko needn't put it bluntly. He'll spell it out, but even so, he's not sure he can bring himself to put it bluntly... He can't even bring himself to make eye contact just to dance around it. He feels a guilt in all this, even though he knows he shouldn't. He feels a guilt for existing — he was told as a child that he was lucky to ever be born, told off-the-cuff in a discussion about being bad at schoolwork that his father had wanted to kill him even as a baby. Iroh probably hadn't heard that story, either... Why would he have? That was just a casual moment between father and son, a typical day in the home with Ozai. Zuko can feel a lump growing in his throat as he deliberates, but swallows it when he gathers the nerve to continue.
"...On the Day of Black Sun, I spoke with Father. During the eclipse. And he— ...he said something that Azula confirmed tonight... that, um—" He stops short again and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "...Father told me that Mom proposed 'vicious, treasonous things' that day, for which she was banished. He didn't know if she was alive or not when I asked, but he told me that she begged him to spare my life and swore to protect me... 'at any cost.'" He remembers his father's words clearly, and finally glances back to Iroh, fixing his gaze on him at long last, face wrought with emotion anew at the sight of him again. His voice trembles a bit, feeling the need to add on... something. Empathy. Guilt. Condolences. Any number of feelings for this sordid mess of a family of theirs.
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timeasmymeasure
hooooooooooo, heavy breathing reading that tag, pure artfulness holy shit this thread
Date: 2021-06-19 04:03 pm (UTC)He worries his bottom lip, eyes casting aside again as if searching for his next words strewn about the room. Iroh's a smart man. Zuko needn't put it bluntly. He'll spell it out, but even so, he's not sure he can bring himself to put it bluntly... He can't even bring himself to make eye contact just to dance around it. He feels a guilt in all this, even though he knows he shouldn't. He feels a guilt for existing — he was told as a child that he was lucky to ever be born, told off-the-cuff in a discussion about being bad at schoolwork that his father had wanted to kill him even as a baby. Iroh probably hadn't heard that story, either... Why would he have? That was just a casual moment between father and son, a typical day in the home with Ozai. Zuko can feel a lump growing in his throat as he deliberates, but swallows it when he gathers the nerve to continue.
"...On the Day of Black Sun, I spoke with Father. During the eclipse. And he— ...he said something that Azula confirmed tonight... that, um—" He stops short again and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "...Father told me that Mom proposed 'vicious, treasonous things' that day, for which she was banished. He didn't know if she was alive or not when I asked, but he told me that she begged him to spare my life and swore to protect me... 'at any cost.'" He remembers his father's words clearly, and finally glances back to Iroh, fixing his gaze on him at long last, face wrought with emotion anew at the sight of him again. His voice trembles a bit, feeling the need to add on... something. Empathy. Guilt. Condolences. Any number of feelings for this sordid mess of a family of theirs.
"...I-I'm sorry, Uncle."